


Finding My Destiny

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-01
Updated: 2005-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-19 16:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12414240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Just a dribble I wrote a long time ago.





	Finding My Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

I’d like to say that I beat all odds. I’d like to say that I withstood the evil I was fighting. I would like to say that I was fighting for good. Technically, I can say it, but it wouldn’t be true, because I didn’t. I gave in to myself, my friends, and to the evil, even though that isn’t what I thought was happening at the time.

I don’t remember how it started, nor do I know how it will end. The only thing I know is that I can never go back. Were I to become the noble and virtuous person I was before, I would be forced to turn myself in, and that would mean eminent destruction. But, I am a coward. It is my own fault that I am this way. I can’t blame anyone else. I wanted power, and that is all there it to it.

Only one person ever loved me, and she died. She died before I even met her. She was beautiful though. I just know. I feel that it was my fault she died. I wanted to undo it. Everyone told me that there was no spell that could undo death, but I felt it was because of his or her lack of power that they claimed this. If they were powerful enough, then they could remedy it. If you have power, you can rule. You can control everything. At least, that was it how I felt.

I came to Hogwarts at a time when there was no fence. Were you on the fence, it was wrong. Everything was black and white. There was no gray, and if there was, then you best not do it because it was considered black. The only house that accepted the gray was Slytherin, and it was a good thing that I was in this house, because had I been in any other, then I would have been considered the devil. Other houses would have considered me to be the dreaded wide and spacious path, and they would have been right.

When I came I was young, impressionable, and foolish. The only ones that influenced my mind were other Slytherins. I knew nothing of the magic world, and they helped me. The other houses looked down on me. I had some kind of idea of what was right and wrong, but I had no strong training that really taught me. Ambition. It was rise to power, but also my downfall. I was too ambitious. I wanted to rule everything. I manipulated situations and tricked many into doing what I wanted them to. They didn’t know that they were serving me, and I didn’t care. So long as I was in charge, it was ok what they thought. I had no problem with blind submission. If you were going to do what I wanted you to, you were okay.

Only one girl from another house ever showed me any compassion, and it ruined me. In my 5th year, I fell in love. She made me glow. I could feel it. She taught me about the good, while the Slytherins only taught me about the bad. We would disappear together early in the morning and not come back until late at night. I was in total bliss. Then, one day, she decided that I wasn’t good enough for her, and she dumped me for a stinking Gryffindor. Unreciprocated love is the worst feeling. I was vulnerable, and it was all because of my feelings. I saw that as my weakness. I decided never to feel for anyone ever again. She would regret what she did, that filthy mudblood, and so would that “noble” Gryffindor. I didn’t realize that I was still acting on my feelings. It was just a reversal of roles. The negative ones were taking over, and the positive ones were vanishing. If it didn’t hurt so much, I would have wondered if they had ever even existed.

I learned that they were all the same. All of the mudbloods were. I finally understood why Slytherin wanted his progeny to rid the school of them. But don’t forget, I was ambitious. Soon, it became my goal in life to rid the world of them.


End file.
